formerly alluras-castle

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
galahadwilder
yosukeseta

im still pissed off about シ and ツ

tectuu

I don’t シ whaツ bad about this?

yosukeseta

im going to stab you in the face

amielleon

ソン of a—

brumalbreeze

There’s really ノ need to get ソ worked up over something as miンor as this!

pampliemousse

ワt the フck is going on

inakamouse

this is my worst nightmare.

thatpreciousthing

Oケ guys let’s chill out, it クld be a lot worse.

accessibleaesthetics

I can’t speak for every screen reader, but if you listen to this post on VoiceOver it reads almost perfectly.

For those without a screen reader that transitions between English and Japanese so easily (or sight readers who can’t read Japanese): the symbols are Japanese Katakana. Each symbol represents a phonetic syllable. The entire post is just making puns with that, except for the first post, which is just OP being upset that [shi] and [tsu] look so similar.

This isn’t really a plain language transcription, but more of…a sort of translation?

  • im still pissed off about [shi] and [tsu].
  • I don’t [shi] wha[tsu] bad about this?
  • im going to stab you in the face
  • [so][n] of a—
  • There’s really [no] need to get [so] worked up over something as mi[n]or as this!
  • [wa]t the [fu]ck is going on
  • this is my worst nightmare.
  • O[ke] guys let’s chill out, it [ku]ld be a lot worse.
kayakingintheeyeofthestorm

Thank you for the translations. I knew the characters were forming jokes, but I didn’t have the energy to look up every single character.

derinthescarletpescatarian

Keep making jokes like this it’s the only katakana practice I get these days

dreadfutures
monamoni

littlefeatherr

Unrestrained summer fun 😁

weaselle

this must be such a delicate experience for a creature that can dive two stories deep and has been seen cliff diving into the ocean

fleshdyke

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artisticlicense-personal

Such a quiet and gentle experience for a megafauna cryptid that can headbutt a speeding truck and walk away

It’s like seeing Godzilla in a kiddie pool

thistlewhistler

During a summer heat wave in Alaska growing up (yes it’s a thing), my dad had several sprinklers and a tractor sprinkler going in the yard. From the woods behind the house suddenly came two young babies and a very large mother.

They came directly towards the tractor sprinkler and sat right down.

My dad verrrrry slowly pulled the hose of the other sprinklers, and repositioned them in the backyard so they would spray grass under the shade of several trees.

Lo and behold, the mother moose got up, walked over to the water now pooling beside these trees, and plomped down. The two babies followed after and just fell over in the cool water.

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aspiringwarriorlibrarian
luckshiptoshore

this feels like a good time to say that when I was a teenager I went to hear Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman talk about Good Omens the book (I know! I know!!!) and they said that one of their favourite things about writing it together is that it brought their two fandoms together and caused all the terry fans and the neil fans to hook up. So suddenly they started seeing all these couples where one was a skinny goth Gaiman nerd and one was jolly fat little Pratchett nerd. “And,” said Terry, “they looked like lots of number 10s walking down the street together!”

and now I realise that of course Az and Crowley are the ultimate number-10-in-human-form couple.

littlecofiegirl
warmpockets

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

warmpockets

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

h1king33k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B4Zm-Aa74Y&t=2613s

just-odradek

omg BLESS YOU for the link and the time stamp that was as glorious as described by the OP

zao--gao

Y’all failed to mention that HE posted the video HIMSELF and liked every single comment oh my god

nitghowl1600

Ok but if you keep watching, the FBI agent asks the professor how sure he is that the painting was the real deal and the professors says “I have two sons. I often wonder where they really came from. I don’t wonder where this painting comes from.”

galahadwilder
unwelcome-ozian

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roach-works

when i was getting trained as a welder the guys started playing sneaky grabass with each other and with me. i almost hit a few people while holding dangerous tools in my hand because they wouldn’t stop grabbing me from behind, then laughing that i ‘almost’ hit them, so i finally had to go to the instructor and say, look, i’ve had years and years of self defense training due the fact i’m a very small weirdo who is in legitimate danger of getting hatecrimed and at some point one of these guys is going to goose me again and im going to bury a wrench in his eye. get them to stop grabbing me, because i don’t want to get kicked out for hitting people.

the next day i ended up punching someone in the face with a doughnut in my fist because she thought i was being a big fucking buzzkill who tattled to teacher about a harmless game, and, guess what, grabbed my butt. i got icing all over her hair. she complained to teacher...who let everyone know that this was why they weren’t supposed to be playing grabass in the fucking shop.

anyway don’t fucking sneak up on twitchy little queers with hypervigilance, it fucking sucks and you’re lucky if you get a doughnut to a face instead of a hammer.

kyraneko

given that this was a welding class, I was expecting this to end up so much worse

pomrania
reallybadblackoutpoems

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imagination (1963) - harold ordway rugg

"chekhovs cat / schrödingers razor / occams gun"

venort

Chekov's Cat: if you see a cat in the first act, it will probably be relevant later. (example: Alien)

Shrodinger's razor: an unopened box may or may not contain the solution to the story; there's no way to know without opening it. (example: Monk)

Occam's gun: the simplest way to kill off a character is to shoot them. (example: Bambi)

aspiringwarriorlibrarian
beenovel

Anyway last week my professor told the class "coworkers will put up with poor technical skills but they won't put up with weird" and after class I just went and sat in my car and cried bc how am I supposed to survive if I still don't seem "normal" even though I've been doing behavioral therapy since first grade but masking hurts so goddamn bad that I'm only doing two classes a week rn but I'm still falling apart and barely functioning every day and barely getting my work turned in bc i come home from class and collapse for days at a time and its just not fair, its not fair, why do other people get to be the normal, why do jobs get to be easy for other people, why are 66% of autistics unemployed/underemployed its not FAIR

crazy-pages

This is the precise opposite of true.

Weird is fine. I do not give the slightest fuck about weird coworkers. Coworkers who can competently manage social situations well enough to cover for their incompetence to management? Those are the worst coworkers in the world.

ciceqi

Hoo-boy, your professor is a complete idiot who has apparently never worked a single job outside of the one they somehow landed to get paid for handing out shitty advice.

Your coworkers absolutely WILL work with weird. If you're even halfway competent, they will accommodate weird. No seriously--because if you're really competent, your coworkers will put up with raging assholes and miserable bitches because the bosses will love them enough to keep them no matter how terrible they are to work with, so in comparison? Weird but competent is nothing. We would pick you any day over the Queen Bee who you can't even say "good morning" to because implying anything about the goodness or badness of the day was fighting words.

What your coworkers will NOT put up with is incompetence. People who refuse to be trained. Who make other people's work more difficult by being so bad at doing their own. Who take the wrong kind of shortcuts or leave a task half-finished or try to wiggle out of doing what they've been assigned. It may not get them fired--some bosses really do believe that a warm body doing subpar work for ten years is better than taking the time to train one halfway intelligent person for one month--but your coworkers? Yeah, they're going to notice that. You being weird? As long as you're not making my workday more difficult, I could care less.

gothiccharmschool

Speaking as someone who has been Seriously Weird in her entire career: if you are good at your job, your managers and coworkers will cherish you. If you are visibly weird, they will use you as an example of Weird But Competent.

Be weird, be polite, be good at what you do, and you will go far.

kat-har

In general, don't take job advice from a professor unless you also want to become a professor.

The norms in academia are different than the norms in almost any other sector. Sometimes they're in direct opposition. There ARE jobs where you can't be "weird" but far, far fewer than you think and they largely involve very specific kinds of public contact.

(Also, some of the weirdest professionals I know are academics so it's not even broadly true there.)

aspiringwarriorlibrarian
intercal

the fact that we made it through the Cold War is nothing short of a miracle. I wish we talked about Mutual Assured Destruction more in schools

cipherface

William Gibson once suggested that the days on which we almost destroyed the world with nuclear weapons should be recognized as international holidays, to raise awareness of how very precarious the situation has been at times.

If you would like to observe such a holiday, October 27th should be Vasili Arkhipov Day. During the Cuban missile crisis he was first officer on Soviet submarine B-59 off the coast of Cuba. When the destroyer USS Beale began to drop depth charges to force them to the surface, his captain decided that WW III must have started, and ordered his men to arm and fire a nuclear torpedo at a group of American ships. Due to a strange circumstance, the captain had to seek Arkhipov’s approval to fire the weapon, because while he was only second in command of the sub, he was in command of the flotilla of which the submarine was a part. Arkhipov, outnumbered three to one, steadfastly refused to give his approval.

jheselbraum

Important context: Arkhipov had previously been involved with a nuclear incident aboard another sub, and cited the things he witnessed happening to the crew as one of the reasons he refused to give approval.

zephyrswarm

Happy Vasili Arkhipov day